January 2012
10 posts
December 2011
6 posts
October 2011
2 posts
6 tags
errrrrrrrgh
This is going to be a lame post, but I wish that I had more friends. I have this problem where I get along better with guys, so most of my friends are men. Unfortunately, my best guy friend fell in love with a girl in his home state, and decided to stay there, erp. All of my other guy friends also have girlfriends now, so it’s not quite the same. And then boys who want to be more than...
September 2011
7 posts
4 tags
All that I want to do is take my love to Portland, roam around the city together, cuddle in cheap motels, and try out lots of vegan restaurants (Well, he likes his meat, ha). Ahhhh! 21st birthday wish? :) I deserve a beautiful life.
8 tags
5 tags
Meat is murder.
After being vegetarian for over a year, I have decided to adopt vegan eating habits. The past 3 days have been nice. I feel energized. I’m not a big fan of vegan dairy substitutes though such as the yogurts and cheeses. That’s fine though because I never really enjoyed dairy in the first place and always drank soymilk. Erm. In other news, I will not be shoving my eating habits down the...
So much that it hurts.
5 tags
July 2011
1 post
June 2011
2 posts
May 2011
1 post
5/1/11
It’s May. Everything ends soon. I love how classy some Americans are. (Sarcasm.) Rejoicing in death. What do I believe? I want this to go away. Disappearing Act by Grizzly Bear is so so so so. Perfect night now. The clouds were nice this morning waking up to rain I did not even wan t to sleep in
April 2011
4 posts
fffff
closing down around me again thankful for a few good friends, but of course I miss you most be cause no one can replace your best listening to sad music bad idea I was so elated that I found that Iron & Wine mix in my car. Happy driving. Sad ending. I can feel it closing down around me again. Forget shaving. Forget social norms. Forget conventions. Replace “forget” with an...
I miss my little room.
so incredibly in something
Nostalgia
I want to go back to that day in April last year when I sat on the lawn outside of the library and read The Catcher in the Rye while fire ants gnawed at my bare feet. I felt so comforted.
Nostalgic about loneliness, isolation, and the ability to function in my very own world. Was I better off then?
March 2011
1 post
“And when I press the keys, it all gets reversed. The sound of loneliness makes...”
– Poison Oak, Bright Eyes
February 2011
2 posts
night cravings
I’m craving for the feeling of sudden loss of appetite, usually brought on by a force of insecurity. My craving has been fulfilled tonight. I wanted to retire early tonight, but now I am here, writing away. I want to be withering away. I have so many nightmares lately. I have dreams in which I binge too much and feel anxious, and I wake up feeling just as bad. More often, though, I have...
incoherent thoughts of saturday--need sleep
up so late at night, talking to you. i came to the classroom early just to open the blinds and let some natural light inside. you quickly closed them tight, and you said that the sun bothered your eyes, but we had a nice conversation anyway. up so late at night, talking to you last year. in february, you led me on, and you felt bad, but i didn’t care. i wasn’t pretty enough for a boy...
January 2011
3 posts
the constant struggle with the self
It’s kind of late, but I totes can’t sleep (and I just used “totes” for the sake of using totes, but I think it’s becoming a bad habit). I hear girls yelling outside as I type this. It’s not a very interesting conversation, mostly giddy laughter and drunken slurs. I need to compose something raw.
As I look at my wrists and arms, I can’t help but notice...
thoughts of 1/8/11
It’s been a year since “the” break-up. When did that happen? It’s amazing how much I have changed in the past year. What a wonderful dark, dark year. Life is so weird.
On a darker note, I am freaking out about the future, like always, I guess. I just want to move away for awhile, for the summer. I want to spend the summer elsewhere—Seattle, Colorado, Minneapolis,...
November 2010
4 posts
so in love
Sadness, my first love. Sadness, my true love. It sounds so strange and ever so cynical, but if I could, I would dwell in the home of sadness forever. I hate feeling. I hate having feelings for others. I miss the challenge. I miss being distanced from the one I loved. I miss when the depressing music made complete sense. I miss not sleeping. God, I miss not sleeping. I miss zero thoughts. I miss...
thoughts of 11/1 continued
“I’m getting lost in your curls.” Sometimes when I see pretty girls riding bikes, I never want to eat again. I could see it in the way you slowed your pace. I knew it. I knew you knew that face and those hands that gripped the handles of the bicycle, that touch the keys of a piano—the hands that once touched yours. I knew it, and I wondered if you wanted to run away from...
thoughts of 11/1
You make me want to write poetry, the kind that’s filled with melancholy.
I feel like my life has become a series of secrets and fantasy sometimes. I can’t distinguish between real feelings and make-believe sometimes. It’s all complicated. Ahhhhhh.
It’s November 1st. New months are always encouraging to me. I don’t want to mess up this time. I want to get back on...
October 2010
2 posts
incoherent thoughts of 10/26
Life has become repetitive again, but it’s not the kind of repetition that I want. I want a schedule. I want a life full of nothing or a life full of love. I don’t want this life—the one filled with preocupations and tasks that do not hold any meaning to me. God, sometimes the nostalgia kills me. Fall. You fell into experimentation. I fell harder for you. You fell apart from...
ramblings of October 24th
Get me on a plane. Get me to Spain. Don’t want to be here. I’m drinking coffee. I’m shaking. I’m writing. I hate writing. I used to love writing. I used to love. I don’t love anymore. Want to write poetry and never use the pronoun of first person again, but she told me I should. I thought it was stupid, but she is above me so follow her I must. Legs hurt so bad...
August 2010
1 post
June 2010
3 posts
“Among other things, you’ll find that you’re not the first person who...”
– J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye
it goes on
current obsessions: celery, Fleet Foxes, grapes, the Avett Brothers, and baking applesauce muffins current want: to run current need: to find a job current wishes: to lose 15 pounds, to go to Colorado, and to drop out of life! current feeling: confused beyond words :)
May 2010
7 posts
