so in love
Sadness, my first love.
Sadness, my true love.
It sounds so strange and ever so cynical, but if I could, I would dwell in the home of sadness forever. I hate feeling. I hate having feelings for others. I miss the challenge. I miss being distanced from the one I loved. I miss when the depressing music made complete sense. I miss not sleeping. God, I miss not sleeping. I miss zero thoughts. I miss control. I miss learning.
Happiness is a goal, but happiness is so boring. Everything comes in waves, right? I can’t stay content forever, and I wouldn’t learn if I was always content.
I am so entirely in love with my sadness, but sadness hasn’t been around so much lately. I want sadness to be my constant and happiness to be ephemeral.
I suppose sadness has been part of my life so long, since I was very young, that it has become a comfort to me. Sure, happiness feels good at times. Love feels good at times, but I feel like I am losing brain cells when I spend time being happy. I’d rather be alone, isolated. I’d rather be sad and learning. I don’t care about people.
How is that for misanthropic?
